My last entry inspired a lot of replies that surprised me in the best way.

So many of you out there seem to believe it's not what you've done, but who you are that matters in the end. Yes, I have done a lot of mean and grossly irresponsible things that still bother me, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Once in awhile I doubt myself and my choices, but in the end I always come back to the same conclusion. I would not be who I am or where I am without making the choices I have, whether good or bad.

Last night, after I took ecstacy, I realized I wasn't even enjoying my high. I realized that with the drugs I have done in my life, nothing will ever, ever feel as good to me as it does to others. So why am I still trying?

So, I'm just not going to try anymore. I know that nothing I can do in good conscience will ever satisfy me the way some other drugs have, so basically I'm just frustrating myself.

Maybe it's time I find out what it is I really want, what I'm really looking for. I'm sick of chasing a high.