One of the people I love the most in the whole world just emailed me and told me he was unhappy. Being across the country, I feel a bit helpless. The feeling passed rather quickly though. This got me thinking though, why can't I grasp the idea of 'in love'? I spent years with the person in question, in a whirlwind of emotion that accompanies your typical high school relationship. Here we are years later, and I realize I have never been 'in love'. I love many of the people who have been part of my life, but I get the feeling I am missing a big part of the puzzle.

I have never been 'one of those girls'. You know what I'm refering to, the girl who has sex with some guy and is suddenly infatuated. The girl who sits by the phone, the girl who cries when it doesn't ring. My roomate William says I'm the exception to every rule. Over the years, people have used other, less flattering phrases to describe my attitude towards such things. I just always thought that sex was simply an act performed with your body, and love came from somewhere else within you.

Now I am left with a bit of a dilemma. Is there something wrong with the way I view sex? Or is it the way I expect falling in love to feel? Maybe everyone who says they have been in love have actually felt what I feel for certain people, they just expect less. Or maybe they get so confused in the whole sex/love situation that they are simply deluding themselves.

I'm not entirely sure if any of this makes sense to anyone else.  Basically, I'm wondering why sex intensifies emotions for some, but not for others. And if the reason I can't really say I've been "in love" is because sex doesn't intensify anything for me, so my feelings are my true feelings. Bah! I need to start doing drugs, because I'm not making much sense. Maybe some opium would clear my mind. just kidding.